Reflections from an hour at Bergdorf Goodman:

1. Furry vests: thought they died with Daniel Boone

2. $95 day planners. You might as well just hire a secretary

3. if i start a line of handbags and accessories, can i just print my initials all over them in varying patterns and institute an 800% markup?

4. i wouldnt let a dog LOOK at any of the items sold in this store, let alone allow it to roam free-range through the evening gown department 

5. ive always wanted to go up to a bored salesman at a place like this and say “have you ever seen pretty woman?” and see if they get a little flustered. then say “yeah well, good choice on ignoring me cause im almost broke. i am definitely not being sponsored by a rich, handsome business man”

I will say though – your window displays are impeccable, Misters Bergdorf and Goodman.

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