This whole dog obsession has gone too far. Yes, I know, they’re man’s best friend, but I think at this point they’re legitimately starting to replace children. The other day my roommate texted me “I just saw a dog in a raincoat and boots – why does a dog own more clothes than I do?” Do people not understand that dogs come with built-in clothes: fur!?! I see more dogs in cute sweaters than I can shake a stick at, and one of these days I’m going to go on a punting spree and drop kick everything smaller than a terrier. 

Since when did it become okay to give dogs free roam of the city? I went into a corner market the other day to buy some soda and a lady was walking THREE DOGS in there, with their leashes blocking the entire aisle. Can you not tie them up outside for 45 seconds? Then tonight I saw a lady pushing her dachshaund around D’Agastinos in the front seat of her shopping cart! Why the hell are you taking your dog grocery shopping, and why is it in the child seat in the cart? Even if that dog is only 1 year old, thats 7 years old in people years, and I’ll be damned if my parents ever let me ride around in their shopping cart when I was seven.  

Many of the points I made above are discussed in more detail (and more concisely worded) in the New York Magazine article The Rise of Dog Identity. The point of the matter is, your dog doesn’t care if its kibbles are organic or free-range, it doesn’t care about being carried in a Fendi bag, and it doesn’t care about having a Swarovski-studded collar. Its not fair to keep a dog in this city unless you can spend quality time with him every day, so stop trying to justify your lack of play time with Fido by buying him filet mignon.


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