My Stupid Life

Its taken me a few days to collect my thoughts on this past Saturday night, but I think I’m finally ready to recount it. Im going to preface this with the fact that I spent Friday night having a serious affair with Don Draper (to the extent that I went out and bought a DVD player just so I could watch the entire season on the big screen). Needless to say that when Saturday rolled around, I was ready to drag myself out of a self-induced coma and welcome a little human interaction into my life.

I headed over to UWS to have dinner with a good college friend, which always ends up in polishing off our own six-pack/bottle of wine each. Doesn’t everyone do that? Unfortunately she had to work the next day, so I was on my own for the rest of the night. I had met a cool guy through a mutual friend up in Boston over the 4th, and he mentioned that he was going to be in NYC the next weekend. Very surprisingly he followed through and actually texted me, so I was interested in meeting up with him. To be honest I find it hard to be romantically interested in someone who lives that far away. BUT he did have one thing to offer — friends. He just graduated from Columbia, and therefore has friends in the city. Which I sorely need. So while I sincerely enjoyed his company, I was also hoping that I would sincerely enjoy the company of his (resident) friends. I took the subway 70 lonely blocks by myself, and scrambled over to Alphabet City. He was with a girl and a guy, so I rounded the group out perfectly. We spent the night taking shots getting acquainted, which culminated in a trip to Papaya Dog around 3AM.

ZACK MORRIS TIME OUT This brings me to an interesting side note. As it turns out, only the girl lived in Manhattan. As a rule, girls are guilty until proven innocent in my book, and I trust them as much as I trust Sarah Palin. That being said, this girl was wicked cool. So then there was the awkward “Well… we shouldn’t wait for Kyle to come back into town to hang out….lets trade numbers?” This platonic digit-getting is always done with maximum awkwardness and lots of nervous laughter. You’ll be pleased to know (SPOILER ALERT) that we are meeting for drinks tomorrow. So there. TIME IN

The three of them were staying way up in the 100s, so they were headed home, but I decided to meet up with two of my guy friends who were at a bar near Grand Central. One of them just moved to the city, and the other is home on Long Island for the summer. When I got there I realized it was his birthday (hence the limo) (and hence the 45 drinks they had pounded). We were all pretty tired, so most of the birthday party split to go get pizza, but since I’d just eaten my other friend stayed with me and had a drink. By the time we were done, I told him it was ludicrous to try to get home to Hoboken, so he should just walk home with me and sleep on the futon. Five blocks into our 15-block walk my sandal broke, so I hailed a cab and directed the driver to the bagel shop.

I surprisingly didn’t want anything, so I sat at a table while my friend ordered 2 bagels. I joined him as he was paying, and had the astounding thought that Muhammad probably thinks I sleep with every guy I bring through the shop after midnight. Which totally isn’t true! Unfortunately I don’t sleep with any of them, I just happen to have a plethora of guy friends. So in my altered state I decided to nip his suspicions in the bud and say “Muhammand, you know I don’t sleep with every guy I bring in here, right?” He laughed and started mumbling. Then the other guy who always works the night shift – I have no idea what his name is – says “Why? Love. Everybody got to have love. He needs love, you need love, why not make it?” Okay good point sir, but this is my friend and he has a girlfriend! “Eh, so you a Lesbiana?” But no matter what I said after that, The Lady Doth Protest Too Much and so now everyone at the bagel shop thinks I’m a lesbian.

There’s no good way to end this post except to tell you that I was wrong when I said buying an AC unit was the best thing that ever happened to me. Having a remote control for the AC is.


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