I’m a Great Neighbor

I figure that having a blog is like a marriage, I share with you for better or for worse. Today I write to you for worse. I’m not proud of the following story but everyone else seems to find it hilarious, so you’re welcome in advance.

Last night when I got home from the Italian Festival I spied a stack of magazines on the stairs in my apartment building bundled with a rubber band. Out of curiosity I checked out what they were — the top of the stack was GQ. I have a shameless addiction to GQ, which I find perfectly normal, but I never think to buy it when I’m checking out at Duane Reade. Mostly because everyone else thinks its weird. Anyways, I decide to gank the magazine simply to read and return within a few days. I took it upstairs and placed it on my desk to go watch reruns of the Jersey Shore and a new episode of Always Sunny.

This morning at work I hear my phone vibrate with 4 text messages back to back to back to back. I am never this cool, so I assume its either a mistake or someone died. I check my phone and see 4 messages from my roommate that read, paraphrased, “Did you see that sign this morning? I dk if you took that guys magazine but hes pissed, and I dont want to get in trouble with these people, they scare me.” Immediately a wave of guilt washed over me — yeah it wasn’t an accident, but I didn’t mean to make that guy so angry!

I have been worrying about it all morning, so I decided to run home on my lunch break and return the magazine. I decided to call my aunt so I’d be on the phone during the mission and be less suspicious. I let myself into my building just to see this note:

Whoever took my magazine out of the bundle on the stairs, please return it!!

If you are new to this building: We follow certain etiquette rules here and stealing mail is NOT one of them!

Hope it was a good read!!!

I acted like I was checking my mail so it wasn’t obvious that I was reading the note, then booked it upstairs. I killed a few minutes puttering around, then stuffed the magazine in my bag so that no one would see it if they happened to be walking in at that moment. Luckily I had left it in the plastic wrap so it was still in mint condition. Still on the phone, I headed downstairs and slyly (well as sly as I can be, which is like a bull in a china shop) deposited the magazine back on the stairs. I left the note up in the hopes that by some miracle of God he will think that the mailman just brought it today. I highly doubt that though, so for the next week or two I will be skulking around my building in shame.


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