Every Sunday my friends Jennifer & Adam join me to drink whiskey and watch Toddlers & Tiaras. Yes, we get get whiskey drunk and heckle children – judge me, I don’t care. Since we all work within 2 blocks of each other, we meet in midtown and head home together to shop for supplies. Last weekend it was raining, and Jennifer was wearing Old Navy-esque flip flops. For those of you lucky enough to never have been to midtown during a storm, its very slippery. Like break your coccyx slippery. So the three of us were walking home, and I was sharing an umbrella with Adam because I’m not a girl scout and don’t come prepared for anything. After a block or two, Jennifer is ten paces behind. Another block further, she’s half a block away. We slow down, and she just yells, “Go ahead — I have to geisha walk!” Um, excuse me? What?
Apparently when it gets slippery, the best way to save your coccyx (and your dignity) is to take tiny teacup steps to maintain a low center of gravity or something. Luckily I am not feminine at all and even my flats have a wolverine-like grip, so I wasn’t affected by the rain. Adam and I continued to walk at a normal pace, except when we turned around to mimic Jen and taunt her in an incredibly offensive Asian accent. Since Jen & I work together, I’m able to call her Snow Flower on a daily basis and embarrass her in front of coworkers.
There’s really no logical conclusion to this story, so just check out the honey badger. If reincarnation happens, I’m hoping for either that or a cheetah. Mostly a cheetah. Starting as a baby cheetah, of course.